Day 39

Cameron

I can’t believe three years have passed without him. When I look back on my life there is no doubt that he helped me lose and find myself all at once. I don’t say that negatively I would never change our time together. I have so many great great memories and of course the some of saddest memories. When we met at Pier 1 I didn’t expect to find someone that understood me and meet me where I was. He was the bad boy. Lol god I was so typical. I loved that he smoked weed and “lived on the edge” literally he had just gotten out of jail. Omg I was so basic! Really though he was the sweetest most kind hearted person. When we started dating it was a lot like Dave in the sense that I knew immediately he would change my life. He did. He saw me at my weakest just as I saw him. He knew my strengths. He was encouraging and adventurous. He never laughed at my crazy ideas in the beginning . We both had great expectations for our lives that were totally achievable but as time went on we became lost. I think as most in our situation at the time do. We became bitter and cold even to each other. There are things I will always regret but I know he wouldn’t want that. When they say this disease doesn’t discriminate no truer words have ever been spoken. I feel like his whole life was stolen by the disease. He never got the chance to experience a real and true life. I am so grateful to have the time I did with him. He taught me so much about myself while he was alive but even more after. Each day I wake up sober I dedicate to him. Out of respect for myself and him we both struggled with the monster of self for far too long. I don’t think time heals all wounds it still feels like yesterday. He was the very first person close to me that passed. One of the things I loved most about Dave was his understanding and compassion towards how I felt about Cameron. I hope now they have met. That they see all their similarities. I hope they are friends. I am grateful for my guardian angels but I miss them both so much. At least I know they have someone else to talk to about stereos.

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