Day 272

What am I thinking of?
What am I thinking of?
What am I …….
The rain drops hit the windshield and my mind wanders.
Are you watching me?
Do you judge me?
I would. I am a total shit can of a storm.
What the fuck is my purpose?
I am lost. Again.
A empty shell playing a part.
I feel helpless. I feel hurt. I feel anger. I feel nothing.
Why is this so hard? Why won’t it get easier? I think I’m screaming. I don’t know though I’m so detached from reality. I’m detached from me. Floundering as if I never learned how to swim. Yet here I am day after day with a smile on my face. What the actual fuck is wrong with me? I must be broken or dead and this is my hell…… maybe this is hell.
I am lost.
Again.

 

4 thoughts on “Day 272

  1. I so admire your strength to get really vulnerable. You have minutes how much your blog helps me every time I read something new that you post. Thank you my friend. I love you

    Like

  2. You are doing it. I know its hard even when you don’t express it. But you are here and these great kids are here. You’ve gone to the beach for them and you are way more patient and kind with your little ones than I think I was when my kids were growing up. I know you feel alone and I can’t even imagine your grief. But you are doing life for these adorable kids. Its all about them right now and later in life I think you’ll realize that the business of loving and caring for them now is keeping you sane. I’m here for you all.

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