Day 288

“Slow down. Start again from the beginning. I can’t stop my head from spinning out of control. Is this what being vulnerable feels like? And I run the risk of being intimate with my brokenness. Through this magnifying glass I see a thousand finger prints on the surface of who I am.” -SAL

#blackwidowx2

Although Dave was my only legal husband I do feel I was married once before. Cameron appeared in my life in the perfect time. I got to work with him at Pier One lol πŸ˜‚ fucking Cam. He was rough around the edges, life had handed him quite a few bullshit cards. The thing was his heart was huge and he was funny. More than funny! You felt joy just being in the same room as his laugh. The first time we hung out I knew we were going to be in each other’s lives for some time to come. One of my favorite memories of him is laying in bed watching Futurama talking about random stuff, mostly bullshit, and dropping the L bomb on him. He calmly responded that he doesn’t say too. Of course I looked at him with this “excuse me” face and he starts laughing. I thought I was going to punch him. Then he grabs me and says ” I love you. I just don’t say love you too. It feels like less of an emotion.” From that day on we would think of random words to text each other to say I love you πŸ’• He was so much more of a man than he ever really got the opportunity to be. So smart and charming (both which he used to swoon and annoy me). We had some real shit during our time together. In the deepest depths of my personal hell he was always there. For two/two and a half years we were together every single day. Our love in the beginning was selfless and free but in the end it was painful and cold. I will always be grateful for our time together. I hope you’re looking out for Dave! You guys would really get along. Chinchilla always Monks 😘

Four years in but it feels like yesterday

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