Day 334

Fuck
I saw this picture scrolling through. I stopped momentarily only to realize I wasn’t breathing and kept going. Inception. The tiniest idea left to my own devices. So begins the spiraling:
Pictures from 2015 holding people that don’t exist anymore.
Playlists.
Messages.
Posts.
Videos.
Utter regret.
Lately it feels like my walls are crumbling. It’s not in the way you are thinking though. I have been in prison. The darkest deepest hole I could fucking find inside. The grief waves come crashing down without warning. They pull me out to the middle of an ocean. Like the one in “What Dreams May Come” Dragging my lifeless soul in the undertow. I swim frantically in circles, lost for weeks. Months. Until out of nowhere it spits you out into the sun as you gasp finally filling your lungs again.
Fuck
It has been incredibly difficult.
šŸ˜„
I’m still here. I’m still fighting.
I’m healing
Slowly but surly I know another piece of the puzzle was found.
*gasp*
I’m still here.

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