Day 624

Losing Nick has been hard.

Suffocatingly so.

I couldn’t understand why it was so painful.

Besides the obvious.

This though.

This was a monsoon.

“The rain came pouring down just when I was drowning” -TS

It had felt as if I were actually making headway with Dave grief.

I was immersed in that place.

Breathing and not breathing.

Crying.

Laughing.

Feeling.

Grieving all that I was afraid to look at.

For SO long.

It was freeing.

The catharsis of Virginia had swallowed me whole and I was not begging to be set free.

Then came the rain.

The loss of Nick was the loss of my first breath post widowhood.

It was my citadel.

The oasis when I was surrounded by lava.

It was my truth.

My support.

Raw vulnerability.

One of my very best friends.

It was the loss of yet another piece of Dave.

As the sun rises and sets the universe continues to provide.

You’ll find what your looking for.

You will be ok.

They existed in your realm for a reason.

Be grateful.

Be grateful.

Be grateful.

I would take an hour with any of them even if it meant years of pain.

At least, in my mind, their existence mattered.

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