Day 689

I’m not lost.

I’m exploring.

I keep coming back to this place where you are supposed to find:

Life.

Forgiveness.

Salvation.

Freedom.

I come here in faith that maybe…. maybe my soul will rattle.

Standing among those who believe I feel stuck in the very tomb that is supposedly to fall if you utter surrender.

False.

Perhaps I have entered my deception wave again.

I hate dissociation.

God where the fuck are you?!

Lean back

“I’m Hyperventilating”

Lean back

Breathe

Again

“I feel sick. Why?”

Drop it.

This boulder has become far too heavy.

Come chisel my edge.

Keep a small token.

But seriously

Drop.

That.

Shit.

“I’m fine. Remind me again: what’s my purpose? Oh ok. Thanks”

Don’t be ignorant.

It’s not cute.

“Is this how gods reward the faithful through the ages?”

Have faith you are not forgotten.

“I am so weak

Even in peaceful home

Finally”

Fuck grief

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